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Never Moving Fast Enough

I’m in a hurry to get things done
I rush and rush until life’s no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die, but
I’m in a hurry and don’t know why
-Alabama, I’m In a Hurry (and Don’t Know Why)

It’s been almost a year since we moved out of our last home, and the renovation process for our new home is at 7+ months.  (Technically 9+ if you count the time trying to get permits.  And I count that time.)  I’ve been crazy busy for much of that time, but some of it, I just feel busy.  Not having a TV back in our house helps not waste time, but I still feel like time is just slipping away.

Unfortunately, I feel like our current culture is all about busy-ness and “progress.”  If someone isn’t running in a tizzy – if they’re relaxed – then we assume they have no aspirations, and they’re probably lazy.

Or maybe I’m just speaking from my own perspective, and no one else feels that way.

I’m trying to constantly step back and look at what is absolutely necessary and what is optional.  It’s absolutely necessary to eat.  If you don’t, the result is death.  It’s optional, however, to respond to texts and emails within 5 minutes.  If you don’t, the result is…  Well – nothing.  Someone might email you again.

My hope is that I’ll be able to live off grid in order to not be constantly trying to keep up with the Jonses.  If I have no required expenses (besides property taxes, grrrr) because I generate my own power, pull water from my own well, and grow all of my own food, then I don’t need a huge salary or bank account.  If you have a paid off mortgage, you can live on way less.

In trying to slow down, I’m stressed because the process is taking too long!  A year after moving out of our last house, I assumed that we’d be settled, and we’d be ready for our garden and already be grabbing eggs from our chickens.  Those things are not even close at this point (Though I do have bee hives!  But no bees yet…).  But – in light of the intention for getting off grid, I’m trying to be comfortable in the process instead of wishing for some tomorrow where all my stuff is done.  Because all my stuff will never be done.

I’m definitely not saying that I want to be at a place where I have no ambition, and that I’m going to sit on my front porch in my underwear drinking piña coladas all day – not that I won’t ever do that.  But rather than I’d like to be at a point where I can be still.  Especially because it’s in those moments that I realize that God is holding the entire world together, not me.  And that’s a good feeling.

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